The Unknown Abyss


As some of you know, New Years, is my favorite holiday. Yes, I love the joy of Christmas and the humility of Thanksgiving but nothing strikes my chords like New Years. As in every year, the aged old tradition, to form goals and to better ones self is always encouraging to me. What day, besides one’s 30th birthday or when it’s to late and you see a loved one laying on their death bed do you realize… maybe I can change!

Granted every year we make up fictitious and realistic goals and some or none are ever achieved. I know the “losing weight and eating healthier” has graced my list time after time. It works for about a month and then… lo and behold… cake, ice cream, and cookies turn in to my breakfast.

But New Years is so much more than that. If you ever found yourself in a situation where you wanted to scream because you didn’t know which way to go and you hate damn near everything about your life then you know what I mean. New Years is that proclamation that enough is enough. And when you stand up and decide to fight, it’s the beginning of something new. A New Year and a New “enhanced” You.

Granted people have these moments every day but New Year’s just makes it that much more encouraging. There was this point in my life when I didn’t know what to do, how to get where I wanted to be, nor understand the mess I had put myself in. Some of it still doesn’t make since but I am very blessed to be able to say that a lot of my goals in life came to fruition this year. And it all started one New Years night when I finally decided that “no guts, no glory”.

My success this year has been blindsiding. And in no way am I trying to rub it in anyone’s face, this is meant to be encouraging. I graduated, finally on my own, and have come to terms with many things that plagued me in my past. After years of crying, facing fears, learning to believe in myself; I had achieved something that I didn’t know would ever become possible.

And now the New Year is here. I’m getting ready to sail into the unknown abyss; new goals in hand and a pebble of fear in my shoe. Graduating from college was something I knew I had to do, but trying to start a business and rely on my self to be the “Meg Whitman” of my Dreams…that’s a whole other ball park.

But as I must have faith, so shall you and everyone else.

Time to just jump into the deep end… I wish you all the best New Years ever!

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a new world

I got in my car this morning.
Fifteen minute break.
Could have kept driving
Escape my insanity.
Not even home would be of much comfort.
Its time to break free
See something new
Recharge my inner Artemis.
Break the mold
Infesting my destiny.
It’s not that I wish to run
I just need to see a new world.
And yet I returned to
Circumstancial Responsibilities.

myHEART

Concrete fills in the cracks of my heart.
Chains wrapped around its pearly gates.
To afraid to unlock the door…
I can’t wait on someone to break in…
I’m the only one who can open it.
What will I find on the inside…

FEARnot


My happy streak came to an abrupt halt this morning when I had to make the choice to go back to school. I don’t care to get into the specifics of it all and I’ll spare you from the unnecessary details. But once again, regardless of what my future holds, I can not live in fear. And which ever road I take, I have to be happy.

Bottom line is that I can only take it one day at a time. I did sign up for classes… but I’m going about this whole school thing very unconventionally. So… as any journey… mishaps, fear, doubt and whatever else came aboard. But I made them walk the plank.

And the Ship has Sailed…

First, I have to start by saying that I am super happy that my little adventure has officially begun. It’s been quite fun.

I came home Friday evening after work and did my very own photo shoot. It all started because I remembered that back in highschool I had this journal that I took every where with me. I had collaged it inside and out, glued random objects in it, and wrote with all inhibitions to the side. I had glued a picture of this African American chick who had been rotoscoped on the cover. I loved the idea of being that girl. She wore a smile on her face, her hair was a fro, and she just seemed to be happy and independent. As I graced the pages of my old journal, I realized the determination I had once had to be on my own.

Looking back now, all I can do is smile. And say, Wow. I have become the person that I had dreamt of being. Granted a few mishaps along the way and I don’t live in some huge city but the old me would be proud. So, I took it upon myself to make my first official self portrait.

Then… Yesterday morning I awoke with a dream in mind. I had been running around my old back yard and felt something stuck to the bottom of my foot. I sat down in the green plush grass and took off my shoe and sock. For some reason, a yellow daisy was growing from the bottom of my foot. Confused and startled, I quickly ripped it from the sole of my foot, only to say that we should have taken a picture of it first. So, here’s to my first water coloring. Most definitely not Van Gogh or anything.

The process its self was liberating. It was not just the meaning behind it, but the ability to bring it to fruition. It could be ten times better, different, or whatever. But I did it. I think it turned out quite well.

(Dreaming about a foot indicates your point of view, or the progress you are making as you pursue life’s journey. A dream of a yellow flower, daisy, is an expression of pleasant thoughts and emotions. It is a sign that the highest form of happiness will come your way.)

I hope you all dream of feet&flowers…
Thanks
Olisa Rachele