I woke up at 4am this morning. Decided, what the heck, call your checking account. And wa la… I got paid. I laid there in bed, grateful and wondering if I should go ahead and get the hell up. “No, I can sleep for another 30minutes… or no… just get up because if you go back to sleep it’s going to be even harder to get up. And if you do get up… you’ll have time to go to IHOP for breakfast.” I laid there weighing my options. Pondering my future. The warmth of the sheets and the softness of my pillows comforting my anxieties. “Just get up, so what if your tired by lunch… start the day.”

I moved slowly… trying to find my towel, stepping over shoes and dirty clothes and Kleenex. I glanced in the mirror… but didn’t stop… I didn’t want to see myself. Showered, messed with my uncontrollable hair and got dressed. When I finally did look in the mirror after a morning cig and reading a couple of inspirational quotes I surprisingly smiled.

Two eggs… sunny side up, hash browns, bacon, coffee and pancakes. What more could a girl want after eating cans of green beans and what ever else I could find because I ran out of money way before the end of the month even approached. Sounds contradictive I thought. I said I wouldn’t spend my money hastily and waste it on things that are not important. And I’m not trying to make excuses, but breakfast was well deserved. It was needed. It was peaceful, the only one in IHOP at 6am, the only one watching the sun rise outside as I jotted down my feelings in a sketch book.

As I said before the month of February has been quite hectic. Here and there and back again. The month of March will be here tomorrow and today I must spend the last day of the month preparing for my little adventure. No more excuses. Well, I will buy my $6 water colors BUT that’s it. I don’t sound to enthused about this… I’m in this odd state of peace. No anger or fear. Just at peace.

I have been a little vague about what this 31days really entails. It’s just me changing my life and forming personal and creative habits that will help me become a more accountable adult and better artist. It’s my finances: not running out of money by the 12 and making sure I put money aside for gas and food. It’s my ability to take control of my actions and say no. It’s my need to get in shape and feel confident in my own skin (I hate tugging at my shirt because my belly looks like it’s got a ‘good-year’ tire rapped around it). It’s me working on my art and not getting discouraged and enjoying the process. It’s me forming a routine that works with my schedule so that I can not only start my day and get to work on time but to come home and work on my own business. It’s me learning about other artist and reading books. It’s me building my confidence in my dreams and a relationship with God.

31 days… I am smiling. I have a plan… now its time to implement it.

Olisa Rachele
beautifullyODD

ps… to all of you seeking change and chasing your dreams… much love

The month of February has been exhausting. So, I’m coining March as My MissingInAction MONTH. I need to disappear. Granted going to work and the occasional look or two at fb is inevitable but I need to focus. Like I said, it’s time to implement the plan.

March 1st I will commit 31 days to a strict regiment. (This sounds daunting.) And honestly what is propeling me to even stick to this crazy idea? 31 days of ME getting up “ON” time, TRYING to work out before even getting to work, making sure I work on my art on a daily basis, and tons of other little things that I need to stop, like smoking and spending money on frivilous things. I must be insane. Seriously.

Why does this seem like torture? I’m a lazy artist who hasn’t reached her true potential. I graze here and there like a giraffe in the wild. I need to become the lioness I am outside of my art life and attack my dreams and goals like a tiger taking down a hippo.

If I don’t give it a shot… will I ever change? Will I ever grow into the artist I dream of being. As my friend told me today… “Success flows naturally to people who are consistenly productive.” Now, I am obvioulsly some what productive. And I can admitt I AM LAZY. But… if I plan to own a small business and be running around like a chicken with its head cut off because I’m booked with photoshoots, meetings, and whatever else… I BETTER GET MY ACT TOGETHER.

“Yeaaaa…” March 1st. If only you could see my face. It’s turned up, as if I smell rotten garbage or better yet, as if I have to sift through it to find my golden coin.

I’m still trying to find my own artistic niche and be CONFIDENT in it. If I can get up at 5am, (maybe 5:30) and workout, get to work on time, come home, and just paint, take pictures, do research and etc for 31days straight, I think I’d be a lot further than I am right now.

Or am I going about this all wrong. Just maybe. But I think that’s the doubt talking. Granted the lazziness in me is not to thrilled about the working out part but hey! I am not asking to be the best artist at the end of 31 days but learn about myself and who I am as an artist. Yes, the waking up part will be grueling but the chance to freely pursue my art with an “OPEN MIND” and NOT get upset with the results is going to be a beautifulllyODD challange.

31 days of me posting my experience, 31 days of me being a conscientious and an accountable adult, 31 days of doing something new with my art, 31 days to KICKIN ASS

*LOVE ME
beautifullyODD

I AM UP FOR IT. (exhale)

there is no day like today…
my future is in my hands
it’s too precious to throw away
I must not drop it

faith and the ones before me
they encourage me to keep going
i cannot give up
i’d be a fool to do so

filthy and scattered
corroded and broken
dust off the pieces to my engine
it’s time for it to run again

my heart is revving…
can you hear me
it’s not anger in my voice
just fucking determination

i must be more than my past
i must prove to myself that
that i am more than capable
i must breathe again

we inhale the same air
but it’s taken the loss of it
to realize that
i am only me

an artist, a lover, a believer, a fighter, a conquer, a human being