Dear Bloggers

“Not everybody can be famous.
But everybody can be great,
because greatness is determined by service.
You don’t have to have a college degree to serve.
you don’t have to make your
subject and verb agree to serve.
You don’t have to know about
Plato or Aristotle to serve.
You don’t have to know
Einstein’s theory of relativity to serve.
You don’t have to know the second theory
of thermodynamics in physics to serve.
You only need a heart
full of grace and a soul generated by love.”
Martin Luther King Jr.

With much love to all who read…

This journey is still in the beginning stages but it’s a journey I’m willing to fight, cry, love, and be happy for.
To all chasing your dreams
stay
BeautifullyODD

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Using my resources…

Today is my first solid attempt in taking advantage of my other resources. I have not learned Illustrator yet and because I can’t afford to go to college I must learn it on my own… with the help of the internet. Within the first 20 minutes I was off to a good start, then confused and am now even more excited and motivated. Like I had mentioned before, I know that I can learn a program inside and out in no time. But this is just different. I’m doing this for fun… with a clear mind, and no pressure of my dream. But I am glad to say that the wealth of information out there is amazing. I have three tabs open and I feel like the biggest NERD ever. I’m googling and even enjoying video tutorials on Illustrator. awww… i love it. But in the end… Hopefully I will be able to post something soon… I have to put forth the effort in order to get my results. (there is something poetic about figuring something out on your own and taking action to get what you want. and i would love to become great at this so that i can say i didn’t spend thousands to have to go to art school.)
much love!
xoxo
BEAUTIFULLYodd

Disappear…

Tears fell into the paint. The consistency of my heart and fear. Anger arose as my hands trembled across the canvas. A scream for help… desperate… for an answer. I yelled into the universe asking why; Seeking a form of confirmation. Some type of sign or answer that would yield me to never give up. If only You could answer me… If only I could hear You… If only I knew this, my dreams, are what You want me to chase. Red eyes gleaming, my heart astray, and more than anything, I want, I need, to hear You say, I can.

That night I wrote a little somethin…

Sometimes
i could truly scream
at the top of my lungs.
Do you hear me?
I don’t know what to do.
How do I keep going
Pushing on is not an easy task.
I only need your approval
Yours and no one elses
Tears fill my eyes.
For sometimes
I do not know what to do.
Please God… Do you feel my pain.
My hunger…
PLEASE God.
I want this… you’ve placed this on my heart
Could I be wrong

I got up, turned off the lights, walked dizzily to my bed, and cried myself to sleep. For a brief moment, I thought, would it be to much of a miracle, if you would just type the words “NO”. Could I awake the next morning and see that You answered. I suppose it was. I suppose I had answered the question as quickly as I thought of Your response. There is a deep burning desire within me. A desire to be the best person I can be. Creatively inclined since a child, nothing worthy of acclaim, but my imagination was always ready to play. Whether I used tape cassette cases as Barbie couches or sewed more clothes for Ken and my Kenya doll. I was resourceful, making my imaginary world my reality.

I sat in elementary school, watching a girl draw. I was hypnotized. Amazed of her capabilities. How, who, when, what was she doing? Such a new fangled thing. A pencil could be used to do much more than write my name over and over until it was perfect. Play dough turned into mini pizzas for my dolls as they went to the finest restaurants in town. And my Crayola stamp set, I wanted to treasure all the colors forever. And as I graced middle school, I saw you could turn an old pair of jeans into a bag. A bag that could hold anything I wanted, and that was much more fashionable and practical than my Caboodle.

The first two years of high school I felt out of place. My work was never as good as the one sitting next to me. It was never good in my eye. And trust… I can admit when something is bad… IT WAS. It was as if my imagination was not able to work with the tools in which I was given. Instead of using charcoal, I wanted to play in the pastels like the advance class. My self-portrait looked like a mutilated version of myself in a circus mirror. And whether it was confidence or maturity or just the ability to play with another form of medium… I finally felt at home in the Animation Club and my pottery class. Animation, in short was my victory over all the art classes. My teacher had told me that he had shown, my previous art teachers, my work and they were shocked because I was never extremely inclined in their classes. My pottery teacher told me she wish she could spend more time with me, to help mold me. I was good at something. I had finally claimed victory.

I say all this… because creativity… how ever big or small, has always been apart of my fiber. When I picked up my CanonAE1 for the first time, I fell in love. A bag had been sitting in my bedroom closet for years. My dad had stuff up there that I was not to mess with and I honestly became programmed to ignore it. But every now and then, I wondered what was in that Grey bag. And finally, one day, I took it down.

I’m lost amongst the creative art world. Every facade / medium whether it be paint, glue, sewing, designing, drawing, anything, you name it… every medium to me stands out like diamonds sparkling in the sun. I want to “oooo” and “awww” over each utensil. Explore it’s being, inner and outer.

And as my tears fell across my canvas… I wondered, if I was truly taking the right path. Was I suppose to become a doctor or anything besides what it is I’m trying to achieve now? I wondered if my creative steps were all in vain. I’ve won a few awards and would, today, stand tall next to a few of my photos, but those minor victories, though meaningful, are not what drive me. It is my heart. A heart that I didn’t really believe existed. In that heart, is my Grandmother. A woman who graced the stage, performed, and followed her dreams. She is the reason I can’t give up. I guess, God will never hit me over the head with a direct answer. He does send messages to my heart, though I sometimes am unwilling or incapable of deciphering.

Though my dreams are only evolving, I have decided to focus on the here and now of it all. It’s time for me to step back. In no way am I abandoning my dream. But by letting it go, and putting it in God’s hands, and focusing on the here and now, I’m allowing myself to trust in God. These simple little words impacted me greatly this week, “Follow your heart and it will take you where you need to go.”

I will follow it till the end of my time.

BeautifullyODD
Olisa Rachele

continued…

ok… so when i ran off earlier it was because I got an idea of what i want my look to look like. But i do believe i need to expand my horizons. i didn’t pay all this money for my programs to not use them. so… inhale exhale. I need to sit down and do a bunch of tutorials. it’s not like i’m going to art school, so i will create my own school. :O PRAY FOR ME! I need to approach this with a positive attitude. I must!!! Depending on how long it takes me to do one… I will attempt to do at least one to two a week. CURSE EXPENSIVE ART SCHOOLS!!! I can do this… i just need to learn the tools of the trade. AND not to gloat but I’ve been under worse pressure: high school computer animation; learned a program in a week. So goal is to learn illustrator. And by the 31st i want at least two tutorials completed. plus with the skills i learn… translate them into my own creation. (God, you already know what all this means to me.) BeautifullyODD

ps… my 31 days is almost over. and though I have not had one perfect work day I’ve learned a lot so far. Apart of me wants to walk away from all this(blog) again. I know not to…
1. I know I don’t care what the negative people in my life have to say
2. Being CONTENT with my resources and taking action by putting them to use
3. Being confident in my skin…
4. to keep moving forward…
5. I’m not a morning person
6. working out… shit i’m thick… i’ll do it when i feel like it (pass me the jello to add to my whip cream) lol
7. I want this
8. …

Birth of an ArtisticIDentity

It’s day 21. All hope has not been abandoned. If anything it’s just now rearing it’s “BeautifullyODD” head. I do not know who I am as an artist. If anything… my art should be a representation of who I am, what I feel and believe. But how do I even begin to translate that. I see so many different artist out there who seem to have their own specific identity. What is mine? And this is not to say that one’s identity does not evolve. But what is my artistic identity?

The reason I bring up this subject is because I promised to you all, and myself, that I would produce a plan. In trying to think of one, I immediately felt overwhelmed, discouraged, and lost. I have a list of 43 things I wish to achieve, work on, learn, and just do in one form or another. Though I can not disclose everything on my list, when I looked at it, I didn’t know where to begin. So I asked myself:

1. What do you want to do?
Out of all of them I want to revamp my look and not only that, but create a style for myself. (includes website, flyers, business cards, invoices, tags, blog, online store: the style has to be reflective in all)

2. How can that be achieved?
I know I can continue to paint, which I have a very abstract approach to. Second, there is sketching, I know I need to do more of that. And then their is my photography. All three of those things are extremely essential in achieving my goal. But there are some other tools I have yet to learn. For example, I really want to get into using Illustrator and Corel. By learning these programs and continuing to sketch, continue taking photos, and painting… I can begin to determine my artistic identity.

So… I know that in order to achieve that I need to sketch for so long a day; Work on certain programs for 2-3hours a day. That can be done. But I’m searching for a look. I got an idea…
Time to get to work…

Day 17 & 18 Being Content yet Taking Action

I’ve been reading a book that was suggested by one of my favorite artist, Stephine Levy. It’s called. “The Creative Habbit”, by Twyla Tharp. Tharp’s book is truly amazing and it is very inspiring. It’s for creative people who struggle forming habits and how to become a better artist by implementing certain habits and realizing the type of person you are so that you can be more effective as an artist.

But what struck me the most today was the chapter on “accidents will happen”. Tharp talks about being content with what you have now. “Whom the gods wish to destroy, they give unlimited resources”. Let me tell you, at first the quote didn’t make sense. I was confused, but as I read on, she explains how when you are given abundant riches you tend to make more mistakes and end up settling. You have to read it to really take in what she says but to reinforce the quote above, here are a few more that help explain what I’m trying to say:

“I use to bask in the notion that all my obstacles to creative efficiency would
vanish if I only had exactly the right resources: my own studio space, my own
dancers… But I’ve learned that the opposite is true: Limits are a secret
blessing, and bounty can be a curse.”

“It’s better to be ready to go than to wait until you are perfectly ready.”

“No deprivation, no inspiration. No then, no now.”

“Remember this the next time you moan about the hand you’re dealt: No matter how
limited your resources, they’re enough to get you started.”

“Necessity will continue to be the mother of invention.”

In saying all this, if you’ve read any of my post this past week on fb you know I’ve been joking around about trying to find a man who can take care of me. I was asking, “Does anyone know a man who would be willing to take care of me for 3 to 5 years so that I don’t have to hold down a job and focus on starting a business.” Now I know that even if I did find one I wouldn’t do it. I’m no “Gold Digger”. But sometimes it’s hard. Though I greatly depend on my job, I wish I could focus more on my dreams. Working full time is such a bore and I hate being stuck behind a desk when your getting ideas and can’t do anything with them but write them down. I’m not struggling struggling… But it would be nice to get some extra change. On that note, I’m sure you’re thinking the same thing. Who can’t use an extra bit of cash?

But in the end, I know it wouldn’t be as worth wild, achieving my dream, with the help of some man. I want this and I definitely don’t need a mans help. Sorry, not man hatting but after being burned a couple of times…. I shouldn’t even have to explain myself. lol

Yes, I could use a bigger studio space, a working sewing machine, endless supply of paints and fabric, and the list can go on and on. But I have been grateful to have what I have. And I admit, though I have intentions to use what I have, I have not.

Which takes me back to the plan. I still promise to post it, no later than tomorrow night. (and i’m almost done editing my cuzo’s pics!)

I have been truly inspired this week. I even brought those books up from my car and there’s about eight of ’em. One on management, marketing, understanding business, and finance. So, there is much to do. I can no longer moan and continue to make excuses. It’s time to be content with my resources and take greater action in developing myDream.

BeautifullyODD
Olisa Rachele

Continued…

So… I’m off work… THANK YOU GOD. I’d quit in a heart beat if I could afford to take care of myself and still pursue my art. But hey… I can say I’m grateful.

But now that I’m off work… created another painting and downed a glass of wine… It’s time to get to work on finishing another project.

It was a rough day. Mentally that is. But they don’t call me EMOlisa for no reason. lol I can smile to that. I’m up and down like a roller coaster… but as my disciple also told me… If it weren’t for my emotions, the way I feel things, I wouldn’t be the artist I am.

I love my new painting. I used a bendable ruler and beat the ish out of the canvas. As I’ve probably said before… “If I would’ve known painting was the cure to my insanity, I would have started along time ago.” When I paint, I just let go. It’s quite a process, considering it goes from bad to hum, to ok, to almost, to exhale, I’m smiling. But it’s a journey of it’s own. The paint on my hands, the fear, the release, the promise; it’s all so therapeutic.

I had someone ask me about my other painting today… “So what does it mean?” I smiled sheepishly… I couldn’t answer. A famous female artist said something like, it has no meaning, it’s up to the viewer and what they see. I finally replied, “emotion”. All of my paintings, are a piece of my emotion. Whether it be anger, fear, happiness, frustration or whatever; my paintings are me. Everything I feel at one particular moment, on canvas. I even think, when I’m finished, that’s definitely not what I felt when I started. It’s a beautiful process that cleanses my soul. It makes me free again.

But I better get to other pressing work matters.
I’m smiling again.
Olisa Rachele

Day 16 [side notes]

Back when I was in a 10ft grave, trying to climb my way out of it… I started going to church. I met a disciple who taught classes about getting your life right with God and how to become a victor and not a victim. In one of the classes she said that we go through life allowing others to attach stereotypes, mean hurtful names and etc to ourselves. We are wearing Velcro suites and every mean name or hurtful thing has been attached to it. For example, like being called stupid, dumb, ugly, and I’m sure you can think of a few more.

My point in mentioning this is that there comes a point in time where you must rip off the names and that damn annoying Velcro suite. There comes a point in time when you just have to say you don’t care what this person or that person has to say, feel, think, or whatever. “Just leave me be, I’m livin my life”.

It’s not that I can’t take advice, though I can be a tad defensive at times, depending on the subject. And it’s not like I don’t value the opinion of those who truly matter to me. I may not always want to take the advice but what I’m trying to say is that all the negative in my life can kiss my yellow ass! Seriously.

With being an artist, you yearn, to some degree for acceptance. The whole point of this was to do my art and love it and the journey it takes me on. We all know that whether your a musician, painter, writer, or whatever; not everyone is going to like your work. That’s fine. But what I’m talking about are the people who are just down right rude.

Guess what, to hell with them all. RIGHT!? Yes. I feel like I have grown a lot as an individual. It’s hard. I’ve battle a huge lack of confidence. I’ve stood up when I wanted to jump off the bridge with no bungee cord and I’ve come to this road in my life where I just don’t care anymore.

This isn’t about my art work… it’s about me as individual. It’s the reason I call my blog BeautifullyODD. I think I can see myself to some degree from the outside… but… on the inside I know who I am. Yes I have faults just like the next person. But you can either love me or hate me. Their choice. I’m me, I’m not going to change because someone thinks this or that. They need to look in the mirror themselves.

The funny thing is, the GI Jane in me would fight. But that armor I was talking about in a pervious blog says that this is more than cussin someone out or trying to explain myself to them when in the end they are just going to continue to act ignorant or all high and mighty. This is me growing up and saying… I DON’T GIVE A DAMN.

moving on… I’ve been editing photos for hours after work. A lot of work but hopefully I’ll be done by this weekend. I truly can’t wait to see my cuzos reaction. But… I will be relieved to be done and get back to work on my own stuff which brings up another topic that I will blog about some other time.

BE STRONG, BE YOU, BE CONFIDENT, BE WISE, BE HAPPY, BE LOVING
be… BeautifullyODD.

day 13… beautifullyODD

ahhh… I had a very beautiful weekend. Today I woke up to find that the clocks sprang forward. I had planned to wake at 8 but woke up around 9:26 to find out it was 10:26. Life is odd. You lose an hour and you realize, I really can’t waste time today.

But I got up and cleaned a little, listened to a Joel Osteen sermon about Developing a Growth Plan. Then did some research and decided to get out the house. I drove down town and explored 10th street around J and K, taking pictures of life. Sat down at a little cafe called Temple and read my books, sketched, and enjoyed a Mexican spice mocha. (delicious)

Then I went and hung out with my boys. Playing cops and robbers is so much better with Nerf Guns. It was sooo fun. We played hide and seek and ran around the house giggling and happy. I love them so. They always put a smile on my face.

I spent some time with a great friend… enjoying deep moments and as our topic turned to God, we picked up the bible and started reading.

And here I am now. Blessed. Soul as squeaky clean as can be…

Tomorrow is a new week. Technically today but I mean new work week. I have a lot of work to do. I need to finish a clients photos and have to write out my plan and the steps to achieve goals. I’ll be sharing by the end of the week. I thought my list of things I want to do and learn was my plan but it’s not. So I think I need to explain how I will achieve the goals on my list. Joel got me thinking of it… So I need to do that and actually add a few things to it, like the studying text books that were in my trunk. So yea… like I said I’ll be sharing that.

And I hope and pray that everyones weekend was great and that the upcoming work week is AmAzing!

MUCH LOVE FOLKS… and stay beautifullyODD
OLisaRAchele

Day 12

Today was peaceful. The cool morning air rushed against my face as I drove to my mothers. The air was crisp and fresh. The sun was fighting against the clouds… leaving traces of beautiful lighting on the side of the road.

I had to baby-sit today but I did clean out my car. I love spring and the idea of spring cleaning. I had accumulated many years worth of garbage, junk and clothes in my trunk and finally today, I cleaned it out. My car is now spotless but what struck me was the business text books I left back there five years ago.

When I first started college I was enrolled in business classes. I hated it. It seems quite contradictory to say I hate business when in the end I want to own one. But the real problem was that I missed my art. I was never into school to begin with and I missed my creative outlet. Hanging with friends and my horrid relationship were not enough for me. But I left the text books in the trunk. For a long time I had no place to put them… I knew that one day they would come in hand… and today was that day. When I picked them up, I realized that everything I need to know, is right here in my hand. If that’s not a sign then I don’t know what it is. They had been buried beneath a pick nick blanket, clothes, shoes, trash, and if I told you the rest you would be disgusted.

But today when I picked them up… I knew they would be put to better use. Plus I just might be able to increase my gas mileage.

My house is clean, my car is clean, and my soul… well, with some deep meditation tomorrow, it should be squeaky clean.

Much love,
Olisa Rachele