A friend posted a quote on face book today that said, ‎”It doesn’t matter how much you want. What really matters is how much you want it.” (R. Marston) It got me thinking; Do I really want to achieve my dream? Do I really want “this” and how much of it is just fear and doubt that is stopping me.

The art of the game is embracing the fear, tucking the doubt under your arm, running
and willing your way to personal freedom. (by Natasha Munson)

No matter how scared I am, I have to tuck the doubt under my arm and do it. It’s like I’m scared or shy to continue on to the next step. And I know for a fact I’m lazy. Some days I’d rather have a glass of wine and watch a movie or two. And all that does is make me more depressed because I am not living up to my full potential. I’m not doing what I need to do.

I hate questioning my dreams and feeling unsure, perplexed and scared of ’em. After graduating I proved to myself that I can do anything I put my mind to. But since then… I have forgotten. If I have already proved to myself that it is possible… then I should be able to realize at this very moment; that if I want it bad enough, I can make it happen.

Do I want this? YES I DO. I think of the people I’ve lost. The love or relationships I’ve walked away from. For instance, in Kanye’s song, I Wonder… he says:

“On that independent ****
Trade it all in for a husband and some kids
You ever wonder what it all really means.
You ever wonder if you’ll find your dreams.”

I’ve made sacrafices for my dreams: And am I willing to continue to make those sacrifices. I don’t want to end up some old woman who never gave love a chance because she was a workaholic. And hey, it’s not like I can’t adopt a kid in the future. But, I want my dream so bad, that I am willing to continue to sacrifice my love life. I think it’s worth it. At least till God finds someone who can wake me up.

I can see myself living my dream. That’s the easy part… Now I just have to do it.