Category: life

Prenatal Depression & Creating During Pregnancy

oli5271 Comment

While your body is busy creating a child and your hormones are driving you extremely insane it can be difficult to show up to your creative practice. The harsh reality and looming responsibility of having to create a future for you and your child can be paralyzing. Especially if you are self-employed or already working in the creative arts field.

The energy it takes to pursue my own work came to a complete dead end and I was fortunate enough that I wasn’t in the middle of a huge design project at work as I had no motivation to create anything. Projects that I excitedly began in the New Year fizzled out quicker than I could breathe life into them.

This was the only thing I had finished despite the fact that I had intentions in turning each image into a lino block.

Between the emotional spells I was also trying to navigate my trauma. Which who knew, things they don’t tell you about pregnancy, is that your past trauma can leave you knee deep in shit you thought: you forgot about, made peace with or just assumed you were over with. But that mess crept back in like a leak in a roof. Spreading mold and despair and sending me into a decent bout of prenatal depression.

Post Partum Depression is talked about a lot but Prenatal Depression seems to get you the stank eye as if you’re not grateful for the miracle taking place within you while others struggle to even get pregnant or have suffered a loss. Here I was navigating: all my past trauma, a relationship with the father (it’s complicated but we love each other), becoming a mother, letting go of my very independent single life, and honestly the relationship with my creativity.

While everyone was telling me how excited they were and are for me I was internally dreading all of it and questioning what the hell I was doing. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted this, I’m 36 and not getting any younger and the timing seemed more than perfect though my circumstances weren’t. But as all these feelings came bubbling to the surface I found my self questioning everything and relying on therapy to help me come to terms and validate what I had been through and feeling.

A few things that helped:

  1. Therapy! I can’t stress enough the importance of therapy. Luckily I had already had someone but please find someone you can speak too. It can be a lot of help to you to just have your feelings, concerns, & worries be acknowledged and validated. It takes the edge off as you come to grips with whatever you’re dealing with. And you can tell them things you may not tell your loved ones for fear of rejection or being further misunderstood.
  2. A trip: Now this may seem crazy and ridiculous especially if you’re already struggling and trying to save but I turned 36 while pregnant and I was going to cancel my birthday plans to take an overnight beach trip. In all honesty that tripped saved my life. Even if you can’t afford an overnight trip, a day trip to the beach or anywhere where nature can comfort your soul can be so nourishing.
    • At the time of this trip I was on the edge. I won’t explain why or what got me there but taking a solo trip to play in the ocean, journal, visit an art gallery and commune with the sun was exactly what I needed. I felt like myself again.
  3. Now things weren’t perfect when I got back as I still had a lot of work to do emotionally and spiritually but I had a therapist tell me to ground myself when things get hard or emotionally unstable.

Ground yourself through creativity.

Ground myself? I literally rolled my eyes. Like how the hell do I do that. What is this therapy garbage you are spitting at me and if it’s more foo foo self love bs I’m going to have another tantrum before we even hang up from this session.

Well duh, with creativity baby! 🙄 It seems so logical and self explanatory but my Dr. had a point. I mean creativity had always been a source of comfort for me throughout my life; I even say it’s saved my life. And here it was to do it all over again by grounding me.

And it had already been working. Though I wasn’t creating what I consider my main body of work, I found myself creating stuff for my baby. I made his name sign to hang over his crib, crocheted a blanket and several toys, made a sweater, and still working on completing my first quilt.

The sewing machine I had left sitting to collect dust ended up being a beacon of light as well as a new love for crocheting. I never expected crocheting to be my new hobby this year but the simplicity of repeating a stitch was comforting. I could mindlessly, to an extent, crochet and watch TV and processe emotions while I fervently single crocheted.

My artistic plans for the year definitely didn’t come to fruition but something else was born and will be born this month! Insert smiles. A whole new world of creativity opened its doors to me and I was able to explore a new hobby and even become inspired by crazy talented fiber artist.

I think as artist we’ve been told too often that we should stick to one trade, one form of art while the job industry expects the exact opposite (let’s not go there). But it was diving deep into crocheting which I had no monetary or career goal associated with it that got me out of my creative rut and gave me a new appreciation for it.

So pick up a camera, print your pictures, water color, collage, journal, paint your nails with copious amounts of glitter, do something new, crochet, knit, follow a recipe, doodle, buy the expensive markers and tons of glue sticks… just create and soon you’ll remember why you fell in love with it. Let it ground you as you navigate the new role of becoming a mother. Don’t give yourself crazy deadlines and project goals, create because you enjoy it and it’s comforting to your soul.

With much love, BEautifullyODD

My Imperfect 2020 Bullet Journal

oli527Leave a comment

So the one thing I’m sure we can all agree on is how hellacious this year has been. From political debates with friends and family, to Covid f’n everything up; Any goals I may have set for 2020 were definitely abruptly halted as our lives in the quarantine commenced.

Though I have been fortunate to work from home, achievements started to warp into basic task like brushing my teeth and going for walks.

I had originally started Bullet Journaling back in 2018 as a way to organize my projects and keep track of my habits, goals and progress. And let’s be honest when I first started journaling it was not pretty and honestly it still looks quite disorganized and kind of chaotic. But once I found a monthly layout that worked for me, I started to experiment with color and adding images from magazines or from pictures I had taken or created. So when 2020 started I was adamant I would be sure to start this year’s journaling with flare, color and an extra dose of creative freedom.

And nothing is ever perfect! THAT’S Lesson #1. Of course I wanted my habit tracker to be perfectly filled and I wanted it to look all neat and clean. I mean we’ve seen the perfect bullet journals and I think that’s why I was afraid to experiment in the beginning. And it’s why Lesson #2 is to make sure you have a layout that works for you and you alone. I only wanted to share my monthly layout as the musings of my inner mind are among my other pages; but your layout should be tailored to how you want to break down your month, weeks or days.

For example I prefer a simple monthly layout where I take notes of important dates and summarize my monthly goal/s. I then break down my month by weeks where I re-list important dates and define weekly goals or projects I should be working on. My daily section however has a freer flowing layout. Some days aren’t as hectic as others and it’s where I apply the original method of Bullet Journaling by creating simple to-do lists and track my progress.

Turning 35 in the middle of Covid added an extra dose of symbolic challenges that left me in a constant state of self reflection and in need of self love. Though this year has been rough and I may not have achieved all of my original goals, I’ve had many amazing moments to be grateful for. And with an exciting adventure / new beginning awaiting me next year I only hope to continue to devote my time to my inner peace and artistic passions.

In all, I hope you are inspired to continue to follow your goals and inner musings no matter how imperfect they may look.

BEautifullyODD by Olisa Rachele

My Attempt at Linocut Printing… & a Life Lesson

oli527Leave a comment

THIS WAS FUN!

So a few years ago I purchased a mounted linocut and the speedball cutters but quickly realized that my original idea wasn’t going to work. But when I drew the above design, it reminded me of the kind of designs I want to eventually print to fabric for purse designs and such.

I finally had a day off last Sunday and decided to drag my self out to Michael’s, JoAnn’s, the Art Store (Blick) and Barnes and Noble for a little sun (I worked all weekend and needed to get out even though I had no intentions in purchasing anything,) and inspiration.

While walking around the art store I remembered I wanted to try to transfer my drawing to a lino. So I chose an unmounted piece of lino simply because it was #CheapCheapGangGang and quickly realized that it is extremely difficult to cut. I would love to try the soft stuff but until the price comes down, I’m good.

TIP: While watching tons of youtube videos someone said you can take a blow dryer to unmounted lino and it will soften (I will have to try that next time).

And I probably shouldn’t have chosen a super complicated image as my first lino cut but like usual I tend to just jump into the deep end. WHICH REMINDS ME: While on my Sunday adventure I came across a book called, Make it Mighty Ugly, which I will be doing a review on once it arrives. But I love the idea, as my teacher use to say it takes a 100 bad drawings before you get one good one. So I kept faith that even if it turned out like garbage that the experience would be worth it.

WHICH… MIND BLOWN…

As this concepts correlates with my purse making. Which I invested in a book about that too… (One more thing, am I the only one that goes to the book store to just look them up on your phone and order them used online. I may be aiding to the end of bookstores but in my world, they would be open regardless of profit, like libraries.) But back to my mind being blown… I was supposed to update you guys on starting again with my sewing, and I had begun again, but another mistake was made and it threw everything off and there I was again, staring my disappointment and doubt in the mirror again. Like a punch in the chest; I felt defeated.

I need to extend this concept to my sewing. I’m wanting so bad for it to all be perfect and pretty and be evident that I’m getting closer to eventually opening a store. But if I don’t allow my self to make mistakes I’ll never grow. It will just sit in the middle of the floor. I JUST NEED TO MAKE THAT SHIT UGLY! Get over it. I also think it would be wise to invest in some muslin so that I can freely work out my designs without wasting more expensive fabric. I need to just practice, practice, practice with out pressuring my self that everything needs to be perfect. EXHALE…

IMG_20180323_002310.jpg

So yea… I chipped away, sliced and diced for three days (after work), and had a lot of fun. It reminds me of working with clay, just very hard clay. My only advice is to be patient and move the tool away from your body as I initiated my self with a slice to the finger. I will say this… Even though it is extremely time-consuming, it is so intimate, like when molding clay, and though I haven’t had the opportunity to try screen printing, I think there is nothing like lino cutting and just might be my choice of method as I move forward.

So yea, I’m feeling good again… excited, happy. I’ll never learn if I’m not willing to make mistakes and be open to the learning experience.

So WOOSAAA, Don’t take yourelf to seriously, have some fun, who gives a f, and just be yourself.

Go Confidiently & BEautifulyODD

xoxoxoxo

Olisa Rachele

If You’re Complaing, You’re Not Doing

oli527Leave a comment

If you’re complaining, you’re not doing. I see glimpses of my dreams, hopes and desires like a mirage far off in the desert; It’s haze shimmering between time and responsibilities. I fear and hope more than I do. Constantly wishing, praying for my deepest desire to come to fruition. Trying to find courage instead of fear. Taking one step at a time in spite of the swarm of anxiety humming beneath my breast-plate. Just keep going I say, Just stay focused I say, Just never give up I say. Whispering into the light of the moon so the sun may know my heart when tomorrow begins again. 

BEautifullyODD

Love,

Olisa Rachele

 

A Project List for your Bullet Journal

oli527Leave a comment

I find making this project list helpful on a monthly basis or when ever I start to feel lost, confused or am suffering from a momentarily lapse of amnesia. It can be helpful to refer to it and remind myself of the many things I am working on and what small steps I need to take to achieve my goal. It can be updated any time by simply creating a new list and be implemented into your weekly layout in your bullet journal.

Depending on how much space you’ll need and how many task you need to do for one particular project, you can choose to create a page for each individual project. Now is also the time to list on a scratch piece of paper how many projects you may actually have and want to work on. Don’t choose too many. You may have ten projects like my self that you want to work on but perhaps your focus needs to only be on 3 to 5 things. Or you only have time for one special project; Perhaps some are easier than others or take priority. I find that most of us know what are goals are but struggle to break them down in simple steps to help us achieve them.027

So for an example lets use blogging as my first project:

BLOG

A.) In your 1st column list all the task that you WANT OR NEED TO DO for your blog:

  1. Blog content exercise
  2. Finish all 4 blogs for the Month of January
  3. 4 Images
  4. Read Blog Inc.

B.) In the 2nd column list WHEN you need to achieve these things. I find it easier to break down my task by whether they need to be done daily, weekly or by providing an actual deadline date. (you can choose to leave an explanation):

  1. by 1/31
  2. weekly
  3. weekly
  4. daily

C. HOW, In the 3rd column list how you will achieve this.

  1. List 10 possible blog ideas by end of month.
  2. Finish one post a week.
  3. Create one image a week.
  4. Read 15 minutes a day

For some of my other projects maybe I just need to spend an hour a week working on it. I’ve attached pictures that show how I break down my list and then transfer it to my weekly project layout in my bullet journal.029

Remember that you can draw this or type this up; however you choose, the idea is to break down your goals and define how you can achieve them by taking simple, easy steps without stressing about the overall goal.
028

I really hope this makes sense… Let me know if you find this helpful or have any questions.

BEautifullyODD

 

 

Frozen in the Face of Fear

oli527Leave a comment

So it has been like forever since I sewed something; I think it was around March. OMG. To my defense I had A LOT going on. Things were just spiraling out of control and by the time I resurfaced, the end of the year was on the horizon. I remember the last time quite vividly; I had made a mistake… again. And I had just about had it.

Here I am spending all this money on fabric and batting and I’m over here making silly mistakes, wasting exceptional fabric. It hadn’t mattered how successful I had been. Or that it felt so second nature that I was convinced my ancestors were seamstress or I was at least one in a previous life time.

I left everything in the middle of the floor with intentions in returning but idk… day after day passed. Then there was a death in the family which resulted in a family member crashing on the couch and the mess I had left in the middle of my living room floor needed to be picked up.

I packed it away; Knowing I needed to jump back up on the horse like Tom Cruise hopping back into his fighter jet but feeling and still feeling, frightened. Is it fear? it can only be fear. Fear of wasting money, fear that my ambitions are out of control, fear that I’ll never meet my goal, fear that I’m just a fraud.

So 10 months later, I sat here this past weekend determined to start again. Which duh, doesn’t result in just jumping on to the sewing machine. It takes about 27 steps before that, before you can even sit down, you have to put all the puzzle pieces together.

I had already had the idea of replicating a Kenneth Cole Tote bag I purchased a while ago. I started drawing and checking the measurements, choosing fabric and drawing out a pattern, all while drinking some liquid courage. But the next morning, everything just sat there. I couldn’t move. I was frozen in fear. I watched the tv as intently as possible while I ignored everything in the middle of the floor; only getting up for food and trips to the restroom.

“Before deciding to take flight or fight, most mammals freeze for a few milliseconds to assess the situation before making a next move.” (psychologytoday)

Eager to understand why I felt so paralyzed I came across the above quote and was astonished by the simplistic understanding as to why we freeze when we are afraid. Granted I sat there for more than a few milliseconds and perhaps I could have just walked over there and started anywhere, as long as I started. But perhaps freezing isn’t so bad. It’s ok to assess the situation before moving on. And it was exactly what I needed to do; I needed to develop my sketches and patterns before I rushed off to my machine.

Sewing is this extremely complex task where each step is integral and paramount to the overall finished product.

Anyway… I haven’t given up, you’re suppose to do the things you fear most. Plus, I learned that if I’m frozen in fear, it’s probably because I feel the need to assess the situation before moving on.

“The art of the game is embracing the fear tucking the doubt under your arm running and willing your way to personal freedom.” -Natasha Munson

Fuck fear, Let your ambitions run rampant,

BEautifullyODD

 

 

Developing Rituals

oli527Leave a comment

Hey Creatives,

Today I bring to you some tips for developing your very own morning ritual. Now look, I too struggle immensely with this whole getting up thing at the crack of dawn and being a productive member of society… ready to accomplish my every goal. But by taking baby steps, implementing one tip at a time if need be, I know I can get a handle on my mornings and you can too.

So let’s get to it…

  1. MUSIC!! There is nothing like waking up to your favorite songs. I would suggest waking up to songs that motivate you, or inflict you to start twerking or twitching in your bed as the beat gets your heart pumping and ignites your inner beastmode. I downloaded Umi which is an alarm clock that connects a playlist from your spotify account and it has truly been helpful these last couple of days.
  2. LIGHT: If you can jump right of bed, I envy you. In the summer when you see the sun coming through your window it’s a bit easier but in these winter months it can be even more daunting to get up. Who wants to wake up in the middle of the cold, dark night. If you have one of those artificial light alarm clocks, you fancy, and more power to you. But my trick is to crank up the brightness on my phone and let it burn my retinas. lol. Like I put that sucker right up to my eyes, wide open, probably isn’t even good for you. Eveuntually I’ll reach for the lamp. All jokes aside don’t underestimate the power of natural light in the morning.
  3. . MANTRA: Those silly, pesky mantras are powerful like mustard seeds. Find a simple phrase you can repeat to yourself at least until its time for the next step. This is hard for me… I blame it on short-term memory. But I do know the power of it and I think the bottom line is that you immediately start talking positively to yourself in the morning. Don’t give yourself an opportunity to resist and justify. Remember all of the reasons why you need to show up, not only for your dreams and family but for yourself.
    • Rituals arm you with confidence and self-reliance.
    • Be the best you can be for the day.
    • Start your day with purpose, intention and joy.
    • Show up: I like this one… your mantra need not be some complex, long drawn out mission statement but a single word, as long as it reminds you what you’re fighting for.
  4. Review todays goals: I keep my bullet journal by my bed so that in the morning I can open it up and remind myself why I want to jump out of bed. Looking at my goals helps me remember what I’m working towards and helps set my mood and excitement for the day.
  5. EXERCISE: There is no way around it. You have to do it. If you plan to still tie your shoes when your 80 and not climb stairs panting than guess what. I prefer a morning work out, the endorphins help set the mood for the day. But it doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Just get your body moving. Perhaps you want to do cardio or you’d rather just do a 15 minute pilates video or a short yoga session. Just make an effort to move your body even if it’s just you stretching in bed.
  6. NIGHTLY INTENTION: I love this one because it helps you set your mind frame before you even get up in the morning. Make a list or update your planner so that in the morning when you look at it there is no confusion about why you need to get up and seize the day.

 

I think the whole point is that we realize we have another day, an opportunity to get closer to our dreams. So wake up to the music, dance off any stress from a dream or any negative feelings and take the time to remember what your fighting for.

BEautifullyODD,

Olisa Rachele

 

Trust Love

oli527Leave a comment

In times of doubt, the simplest phrases and quotes can resurge our commitment. Trust that by doing what you love, you’ll not only get to where you need to go, but you’ll also enjoy the journey. Don’t give up, push pass, practice and grow. ♡

5 Steps to Creating a Simple Bullet Journal for the New Year

oli527Leave a comment

Hey Fellow Creative’s,

Today I bring to you some notes and suggestions for creating your very own bullet journal. I too am new to this, but rest assured, with a little planning and patience you too, can design a very simple and manageable planner for your daily life and projects.

Let’s get right to it…

  1. Choosing a Notebook:

This is probably the most daunting part if you have an issue (or pet peeve like I do) with ink bleeding or ghosting. Upon my research the Letchum is probably the most efficient if you’re ok with spending 20 bucks. To my surprise, Moleskin had the worst reviews due to bleeding and ghosting. But in my opinion… if you’re spending 20 bucks on a journal it needs to have high quality paper. But since I’m pretty “thrifty” I picked up an Artist Loft dotted journal from Michales for 5 bucks. Now it too bleeds and ghosts depending on the types of pens you use BUT I read in a review that this chick used a glue stick to glue her pages together. Now I don’t know about you, but I’d rather glue $5 pages together, than 20 dollar ones. Plus, there are more pages in the Artist loft journal and I love the dimensions.

But of course whatever journal you choose, as long as it has some sort of grid will do just fine.

(Update: the bleeding in the artist loft journal hasn’t been so bad that I felt the need to glue my pages together. I’ll touch more on this under which pens to use.)

001

  1. Graph Paper:

After jumping right into my artist loft journal of course I was disappointed to see how the pens I was using left major ghost lines. So my OCD led me to purchase another one and keep the one I messed up in as a draft journal. But instead of buying two journals, especially if you chose an expensive one, find some graph paper to practice layouts, test inking, and organize your ideas.

  1. Layout:

005Now is the time to brainstorm any of the elements that you will need in your bullet journal. Take a scratch piece of paper and jot down any elements that you’ll need from a yearly, monthly, weekly and or daily spread that will help you achieve the task and goals that are significant to you. Would you prefer a weekly habit tracker or a monthly habit tracker? Do you feel the need to have a monthly view with space to take notes or something simple with just the numbers and days of the week? This is your personal planner and you can design it anyway you wish. No one has to see it, it doesn’t need to be perfect, just let it be you.

This is also a great time to use the suggested graph paper to determine how much space you will need to draw out your layouts. Of course you can do this with pencil, very lightly in your book, but it helps to also test which size ink pens you may want to use for specific design elements.004

 

Don’t let this part of the process intimidate you; there are tons of examples on pintrest to choose from. Just choose which elements appeal to you the most and try drafting them out on your graph paper. The goal isn’t to have some elaborate, fancy planner but to create a simple layout for you thoughts, goals and plans. So do not stress about the artistic elements. Considering this is my first bullet journal, I focused more on simplicity.

  1. Test inks:

As I noted above, I jumped right in when I got the bright idea to try bullet journaling. Little did I know, I was going to mess up my book. So I suggest testing inks in the very back of your book.003

So far Micron’s have not been bleeding or (very minimal) ghosting, and are water proof. (I tend to get sweaty palms which means smudges so water proof pens are a msut.) I suggest a 08 for borders and finer pens like 01 and 02 for writing within dots or grids. I also use regular ball point pens and gel G-2 07 Pilot pens to avoid further bleeding or ghosting.002

  1. And most importantly have fun and a bit of patience.

The more impatient I become or try to rush through the process the more mistakes I make. I draw everything out in pencil and check it twice before I start to ink. Of course mistakes are unavoidable but that’s why it is so important to spend the time developing your layout so that when it’s complete it becomes an effective tool for organizing your goals, projects and daily life.001

So far my bullet journal includes a yearly overview with a notes section and a page for my personal goals and “art” goals. I’ve also included a 6 month future log followed by a monthly layout that has enough space for notes. Next there is a weekly two page layout that breaks down my goals for the week, projects that I need to work on and a tracker for habits I need to work on.

Here are a few more links to some video’s I found extremely helpful:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-f62ncQBWM&t=27s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Urs2Xs6QdpQ&t=475s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtQBs8PB19I

 

A Glimpse Inside My Art Journal

oli527Leave a comment

I have been MIA like a dude who makes ghosting a science. Better yet, like when I ghost fake friends, f boys and the like (DELETE).

BUT… I can happily report that I return with a major accomplishment in my career and that because of this and a few other things, I have been on a quasi-spiritual, transformative and humbling journey.

001-blog-size.gif

My last post was about “still being unstoppable” and how I went on an interview and tanked it but in spite of my “failure” I had felt extremely confident. From there, long story short, I started UBERing to earn additional income to supplement the major rental increase affecting Sacramento. So instead of coming up with blog ideas, drawing, or doing anything related to art, even coloring a coloring book; I was grinding in these streets trying to make a few bucks while working full time.

Luckily, at the time, my full time job had endowed me with a great opportunity to put my creative skills to use by creating a massive power point presentation. I know, Lame. BUT IT WASN’T. Who remembers making power point presentations in Jr. High? I do! I created a 125 slide presentation encompassing the Veterinary Hospital Inspection Program and it was a rewarding experience. I never had the opportunity to do anything remotely creative for work but to make lame holiday and potluck flyers with the use of paint and word. So with my design skills and enthusiasm in tow, I tailored a simple, clean, well designed presentation for them that can be used for years to come. (still nerding out about this)

While doing that I got another call for an interview and this time I didn’t have to change in the car but more importantly, my portfolio saved my life! So within a span of four months, I took a transfer, started UBERing and promoted while my parents came to visit for two weeks.

002-blog-sizeSo yea… A lot has happened and I couldn’t be more grateful for where I’m at. The fact that I have finally broken into my career field is the greatest thing I could have accomplished this year. And with that said… can you believe that we only have three more months before the end of the year. My goodness! That means three months to accomplish a few more goals. During my time away I’ve been researching how to implement a schedule, how to stick to one, and how to accomplish your goals. So in the next blog post I will be sharing some tools I’ve learned and programs I’ve tried to help become a bit more self-disciplined.

BEautifullyODD is still and will always be my baby and during this time away I have had to honestly re-evaluate, not only what it means to me, but how to find the courage, strength, and discipline to make my art a priority. The one thing I’ve been doing is art journaling; I’ve been trying to draw or doodle for 15 minutes a day. Granted I’ve been writing more than sketching or drawing. But you can’t be afraid of a blank piece of paper. You just have to jump in and f it up. Scribble all over it, pour ink all over it, burn it and spill coffee in it, hide flowers in its pages and keep scribbling motivational quotes in its seams… inspiring you to keep going.

008skb

But I want to leave off saying that no matter how crazy, difficult and challenging life gets, take comfort in the fact that no one has the power to kill your dreams. So just keep going.

BEautifullyODD