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just let it go and be HAPPY

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Do you ever think too much? I do. I think way too damn much. My “thinking” to much causes anxiety. It would be the death of me if I didn’t know any better. I need to adopt this “live in the moment” attitude. Just let shit go and don’t let it fester and pester with in me. I’m serious… when does one know to just stop. I’m at that point right now but it’s taken the whole day to come to this realization. Just Stop! Say screw it.

I created a bad painting yesterday and from there my whole world went cockide. I started wondering, doubting, being all emo… and I can’t take that shit. It’s so damn annoying. And I’ve tried to explain away the feelings by rationalizing each and every mood, feeling, and thought. It’s this worm whole! I swear, I hate it!

And to be honest, I know that not every painting will be a success. I know that there will be bumps in the road. But my mind seems to forget and all common sense flies out the window. I think that’s why I had said that by me letting go of this dream, I could feel more at ease in enjoying the journey. If I can stop focusing on the bigger picture so much and just enjoy the little things I do to get there, I could be a lot happier.

ugh… on a more chipper note… I sold my first painting today. SEE… I have no reason to feel the way I do. I should be proud. And I am. I am grateful, and it has given me much hope and the ability to believe in myself. (though I sometimes want to scream and cry when I f one up). I handed it over and teared up. A piece of me was leaving.

As I’ve mentioned before… to harbor a dream is indeed a catch 22. At least for me. I can be my own worst enemy. I seriously need to learn to let shit go. Don’t feed into my sickening thoughts. And just do what I got to do. I just want to be happy and enjoy the process. That’s all that matters. (o how easily us humans forget)

Olisa Rachele

(and i just took a project out of the oven. tried to make some polymer clay earrings… kinda burned… oops. maybe i can polish em up but i mos def need to try again… hum??? have faith and believe in thy self!)

I found the map!

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So… as you all know… My ship has sailed. Now the ship almost sank but I fixed the leak and then I had to have my doubt and fear walk the plank. But though the ship left the harbor… and I knew where it was going… I didn’t have the map to get there. I misplaced it when I came aboard.

But now that I have found the map… I’ve come to realize a few things…

1. A plan: I was listening to Joel Osteen the other day and he was saying you gotta to have a plan. Goals with out plans become ineffective. We have to make an effort in order to get to the finish line. “If you come up with a plan, God will direct your steps.” So, with that said I have been working on a schedule that will help me not only stay focused but meet my short term goals. And as Twyla Tharp says… us creative people have to form habitual habits in order to stay committed to the dream. (something like that)

2. Sometimes I feel like shit and I don’t want to do anything… but Joyce Myer said that if you start doing what you know is right then your feelings will catch up with it. I believe it. When we feel like we can’t, or that we don’t wish to continue pushing on… we tend to want to give up… but there is that little needle in the haystack that says… get up! We have to not ignore it and find the strength to persevere.

3. My determination: well… I knew I had to graduate with my AA in photography. I couldn’t walk away from it. But, now that I’m not going to school… what is going to motivate me? I don’t have a professor telling me what to do, I don’t have my conscious telling me that I have to pass this class so that I can achieve step 1, 2 & 3. I want to start a business. I am not committed to attend class, I am not obligated to write a research paper. But I am determined to achieve my goal. So… by implementing a plan I am now obligated… and though I have to be completely accountable for my actions… my dream is still there. It has not died because I’m not attending school.

4. Life… however hard is so very beautifullyODD. People are swarming around sayin the world is going to end this date and this date. But I believe that life is beautiful… I believe that the human race has hope… I believe that God… hears me… and because of that… I am going to give it my best till the end of time…
“you gotta dance like nobody’s watchin, dream like you will live forever, live like you’re going to die tomorrow and love like it’s never going to hurt.” ~Meme Grifsters

In the end… this is the beginning of my wildest dreams. There is much to do. More than I can even begin to comprehend. And I am more than willing to fight for it.

So whats first… (exhale) I have projects to finish… one day at a time.. things to learn… one day at a time… and hope that is never dying.

much love to you all… chase your dreams… AND NEVER, GIVE UP!

LOVE, ME
OLISA RACHELE
so beautifullyODD

Southern Comfort

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At first I was dreading the idea of coming out here to South Carolina. Sumter, South Carolina that is. I couldn’t remember the last time I was out here. And that was seven years ago. I had graduated from high school and was in my first year of college. But now, as an adult, a grown woman, I can appreciate the finer things of life. Family and lets not forget, food. There is nothing like my grandmas black eye peas and rice. Fried pork chops, green beans, and to finish it off, lemon meringue pie. I would have never tired lemon meringue pie or grits with stewed tomato sauce unless my grandmother made it. Questioning the tast of food is of no concern.

The crickets and birds chirping, the wind blowing in the trees makes this feel like home. The sad thing is, how much longer will it be. I need to learn how to cook my grandma’s food, it’s the only thing I can take back with me… Besides my memories and photos. White plush carpets and the smell of grandma lingers around the house. It’s a smell that I can’t truely describe; maybe its, perfume, food, and flowers. Stories of the past fill the air at the dining room table. Though there is laughter, what scares me is that death, wants to make its presence. I shut down at the idea of it. My grandfather was diagnosed with bone cancer and is suffering with mild dimensia. My grandmother hopelessly checks on him in the afternoon; making sure that he is still breathing. I’m scared to myself. It’s noon time and he still hasn’t awaken. One o’clock in the afternoon the music plays from the clock. The house is silent. And so am I.

Filled with complaints yesterday and the week leading up to this. I seem to be as silent as the house righ now. Everyone is gone, but the moment is right. I think she is ready. I think my grandmother is holding this last extravaganza, a huge party, with a commedian, music and dancing as a farewell. A life well lived. I look at her, her hands tired, I think she has to be ready because her husband may be. But as I look around the house, it’s well lived, it’s home. Photos of every family member, some I don’t even know. Maybe she isn’t ready, maybe she’s willing to keep fighting.

love me… olisa rachele
a woman changing for the better

Do you have a dream?

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For a second there, I was ready to give up on this damn blog! Why, I can’t really say. I guess it’s cause I’m always doubting my capabilities. See, the thing is, I decided to stop giving up on myself. Some of you may have your life totally together. And like I said in another post, then maybe this isn’t for you. But if your anything like myself, then you can admit that, ”LIFE GETS FUCKING DIFFICULT!!!” Yes, I cursed, but it’s the truth. Now I also better warn you that I believe in God. I know, the cuss words above say something else. But hey, ‘I ain’t perfect!’

Bottom line is that I have GOALS THAT REACH FAR BEYOND THE BIG DIPPER. What about you? I pray, that each of you follow your heart, and achieve your every dream. Something deep burns in me. “This little of mine, I’m gonna let shine”. Each and every single one of us, has a light burning deep within our soul.

Now, has your light ever been blown out!? Some of us (humans) have been at the bottom and seen some ugly things. And I have to admit, I have had it good. Unfortunately there are a few folks out there, that have gone through some serious shit! And it amazes me when I meet people who still, get the hell up, in the midst of it all.

I don’t know your situation!? Maybe your light is as bright as a forest fire a flame, or it flickers like a candle ready to go out. All I can say is that I believe there is a light in all of us. I choose to call him God, others: Spirit, Soul, Devine, Jesus, Lord and Savior, Buddha, I don’t know. But, it doesn’t change the truth.

What is the truth? I’m still on that Journey. I’ll keep you posted. But in short, it’s that I believe 127% that God is the love in my heart. And with that love, came a purpose. Maybe you haven’t found it, and if not, then ask yourself why. If you have, then by all means, don’t you ever give up.

In end, sometimes life can be hard and I’m just trying to relate to those who agree. Especially, if you’re trying to make something for yourself. Whether its to have a family, obtain higher education, a career, or etc.; we can achieve our dreams! Let your light shine bright. Let it be your fuel. And yes, it may flutter from time to time. But just throw some gasoline on that shit and it will burn bright!

Love you guys!!!
Thank you

Quotes:

“What does it mean to believe in God? It means learning to honor your own inherent Godliness.” Iyanla, Vanzant

“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.” Harold, Kieth D.

“Enthusiastically chasing dreams.” Harold, Kieth D.

“Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here.” Vanzant, Iyanla

“We are each a unique expression of the Divine Mind living to fulfill a divine mission and purpose.” Vanzant, Iyanla

“God believes I can do it.” Vanzant, Iyanla