At the beginning of the year I was desperate to get back into the flow of a daily art practice. And for about a month, I was able to.

Then I quickly realized I was pregnant and once sickness over came me, my art practice came to a screeching halt.

I’m now 14 weeks pregnant and am doing a bit better as I’ve entered my 2nd trimester but I have to admit my mental health took a deep dive into the abyss.

We all know that abyss of depression. Now don’t get me wrong I was initially excited but feeling sick 247 just exhausted my enthusiasm to no end. And as silly as this may sound I felt as though my dreams were coming to a screeching halt and that my glorious single life, full of art was about to shrivel up and die.

Realistically my dreams are going to be postponed as taking care of a newborn and getting acclimated is going to be a challenge of its own. I mean just being pregnant is proving to be quite the challenge. And we really need to break the stigma that it’s so glorious and easy… BULLSHIT! Food aversions and constant nausea and prenatal depression is not a joke. If it’s easy for you, more power to you but some woman really struggle and I’ve been blessed that my vomiting sessions haven’t been every single day 2, 3 times a day.

But anyway, as I try to climb or rather swim back to the surface. I had this overwhelming feeling and need to remember thay my dreams are still attainable. Despite contrary belief, I’m not under the impression that once you have a kid your life and needs are over.  But I do feel as though a whole new source of motivation and determination is needed to get me to show up for myself as I move forward with my art.

Honestly, I’m not sure what that’s going to look like. Or how it will manifest itself. And I’m not even going to stress myself out with expectations that I’ll be able to do x,y & z by this time and that while taking care of a newborn. And more importantly I want to enjoy the time as a new mom without feeling stressed about showing up for my art.

It doesn’t mean I don’t need to show up for myself but it does mean I can’t continue to beat myself up if I feel like I can’t. I’m truly grateful I’m starting to feel better, though I still have my moments. But now more than ever its going to take even more effort to set time aside for it. And honestly that scares me cause then I wonder what have I been doing all this time.

Anyway my pregnancy support counselor actually said something rather compelling which was to use my art as therapy. Which duh… makes since. Not every art project needs to be a means to and end or this awesome finished product ready to go on etsy.

I have been art journaling a bit and before all this I did buy a bunch of canvases on sale and I think it’s high time to bust one out. I’ve also got sewing projects on standby as I found some amazing fabric when I was in LA a couple of months ago. And I’m enjoying crocheting my baby boy a blanket.

My goals and artistic dreams have not changed but maybe I needed this lackadaisical approach to getting back into the grove of it; A more authentic way of finding my voice as I create a brand without all these crazy expectations and demands of perfection.

So yea… that’s me right now… navigating becoming a mother while staying true to my idenity as an artist.

BEautifullyODD

Any mom’s out there balancing the two, I’d love some advice. Please feel to share your thoughts.