What makes ME an Artist?

“There is so much I want and need to say and yet just do. A lot has happened in these past few months. And I don’t know where to begin. Pieces of me come forth in my art and I try to grasp the moments and express them as well as I can before they disappear back into the dark void.”

On a brighter note šŸ˜€ I have every intention in posting the continuation to I’m back (I need to make some corrections and add some things). But right now I want to share somethin else:

During this much needed break I asked myself…
“What makes me an ArTiST?”: the word Artist holds so much acclaim to me. I remember getting into a debate with one of my photography teachers about; What makes your work, art? The debate was that it takes another person, to say your work is art; You can not say that your own work is art unless it has been given that name by someone else. I was furious. How can you tell someone that their work is not art?

Art is based in expression and though their is a grade level of quality attached to it, its rooted in the meaning and the feeling that comes from it. Why else can someone hang a blank canvas on a museum wall and it be deemed art. Being an artist is about being true to the moment and its an expression of who we are as individuals and as a whole.

Anyway… I think before I held to much pressure on myself to be what I considered a great artist; I doubted my abilities because of it. Their are so many types and forms of artistic expression and which ever way I choose to do so I want to do with confidence and belief in thy self. But I still questioned and wondered what makes me an artist… why should I even continue down this avenue… am I even good?

As I spring cleaned my apartment I came across old sketch books, my old animation portfolio, paintings, memories and other miscellaneous things that showed me that, Art is a part of who I am. So as I looked back at my artistic life, though not every attempt was successful, I did have some good moments. And to be able to recognize that was freeing. I realized that regardless of where I go with my artistic adventure I’m going to enjoy it. It’s not about the acclaim its about enjoying the journey with it. That is why I am excited about going back to school for applied art & design. I just want to enjoy the journey with it. See where it takes me… because I never want to say I turned my back on it because I was afraid I’d never have someone else say its so.

So, be confident in who you are as an artist. Enjoy the journey, enjoy those moments, and let it nurture your soul.

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just let it go and be HAPPY

Do you ever think too much? I do. I think way too damn much. My “thinking” to much causes anxiety. It would be the death of me if I didn’t know any better. I need to adopt this “live in the moment” attitude. Just let shit go and don’t let it fester and pester with in me. I’m serious… when does one know to just stop. I’m at that point right now but it’s taken the whole day to come to this realization. Just Stop! Say screw it.

I created a bad painting yesterday and from there my whole world went cockide. I started wondering, doubting, being all emo… and I can’t take that shit. It’s so damn annoying. And I’ve tried to explain away the feelings by rationalizing each and every mood, feeling, and thought. It’s this worm whole! I swear, I hate it!

And to be honest, I know that not every painting will be a success. I know that there will be bumps in the road. But my mind seems to forget and all common sense flies out the window. I think that’s why I had said that by me letting go of this dream, I could feel more at ease in enjoying the journey. If I can stop focusing on the bigger picture so much and just enjoy the little things I do to get there, I could be a lot happier.

ugh… on a more chipper note… I sold my first painting today. SEE… I have no reason to feel the way I do. I should be proud. And I am. I am grateful, and it has given me much hope and the ability to believe in myself. (though I sometimes want to scream and cry when I f one up). I handed it over and teared up. A piece of me was leaving.

As I’ve mentioned before… to harbor a dream is indeed a catch 22. At least for me. I can be my own worst enemy. I seriously need to learn to let shit go. Don’t feed into my sickening thoughts. And just do what I got to do. I just want to be happy and enjoy the process. That’s all that matters. (o how easily us humans forget)

Olisa Rachele

(and i just took a project out of the oven. tried to make some polymer clay earrings… kinda burned… oops. maybe i can polish em up but i mos def need to try again… hum??? have faith and believe in thy self!)