so yea… it’s easy to say something but it’s another thing to actually do it. It seems slightly pathetic but I’m human and change is not that easy. At least I can acknowledge that change still needs to take place.
I can say, that yesterday, I did handle something better then I would have in the past. I was worried about my financial situation. I spend more than I earn. Not on shoes and clothes but on just living and trying to make it month to month. It’s been the grace of God that has helped me get through these past 12months. But instead of worrying… for the first time I actually had faith in the grand scheme. I know where I’m headed. I know what I want. And though its a beautifullyODD struggle… I have faith that God will see me through. But… I can’t continue to do the things I have been doing… I have to do my part. So… THANK YOU GOD.
Today… well… it’s really just begun.
(hours later) I went to the movies and saw “Just Go With It.” It was cute and funny. (maybe there is hope, and i rolled my eyes). I sound bitter… ouch… but that’s not important at the moment cause I’m happy right now. I put in my earphones and started dancing around the house listing to all the songs that get me to the next day. (and yes its contradictory to be broke and then go to the movies!!! ugh… I KNOW)
It’s been a rough start… Not that this is and excuse and that I’m writing this 31 days off but I’m learning to except myself. Not because I refuse to get up in the morning and work out… but because I want to feel amazing. Happy, everyday. Many people walk around unhappy in their own skin.
I’m sometimes lost in the world and in all of its beauty… and it’s at those moments when I feel free… when I can breathe… when my mind isn’t mindlessly wandering and battling unnecessary matters.