I do not have the pleasure of knowing a lot of artist on a personal basis. So as I take on this artistic journey, I’m doing so from the very beginning stages. I do have a degree in photography and have been exposed to many different art mediums; But that does not make me “educated” or great. Though I have the AA, I’m not the brightest crayon in the box. Yes, I know a few things but I can’t tell you every vocabulary term for photography and I still haven’t wrapped my head around “exposure equations.” As I embark on this journey, I’m starting from scratch.
In the last couple of weeks I’ve realized what it will take for me to get to my mountain top. And let me tell you I lost my mind in trying to figure it out…
It can be difficult to find someone to relate to artistically. Someone with whom you can genuinely share a healthy artful relationship; Encouraging, and helping each other out. I believe it’s important to have some one their to tell you where you can improve and encourage you to do your best, push you to excel, and remind you to believe in yourself.
Us artist are EMOTIONAL! At least I am. Which means I need to look into art community groups on line because I’m not trying to end up like Edgar Allen Poe or Van Gogh. I don’t want there to be any debate on whether or not I cut my ear off (wtheck). And this is where I mention, after losing my mind, I finally had my epiphany.
I became frustrated with my art the other day and I realized that my art is the last thing that should be making me want to pull my hair out. Why do it? Why attempt to if its going to make me feel horrible? But I didn’t let the thought linger, I brushed it away because I know I can never walk away from it. But why was I upset? This may sound crazy, but hey, I believe us artist have deep souls. We see things differently, we feel things with heightened senses. We notice the little things: like the way the leaves blow, and how the wind feels when it brushes our skin, we see this connection to another dimension. We feel inclined to tell its story, in one form or another, we try. We try to find the light with in. So… I realized my light was dim. It wasn’t connecting to my art. I was losing the connection; my ability to see.
This didn’t happen over night. I had allowed it to slip away from me years ago. I was reading Oprah’s magazine (I’m not her biggest fan but the poetry issue was really good.) and they did an interview with Mary Oliver. She is an amazing poet, you must read “The Journey”, AmAzing. But at the end of her interview I just felt my spirit open. My spirit is my compass, my eye, my ability to do my art. And to read Mary Oliver’s story was truly inspiring. She made me remember why it is I do what I do. Why I am who I am. It truly touched me.
In conclusion, I realized my spirit needs loving. It needs to breathe… it needs me. I don’t want to lose this connection. I want to grow old and be able to inspire many. To have a heart, a spirit, that shines brilliantly. In order to be TRUE to my art, I need a TRUE connection with my spirit.