I am finally feeling happy, despite other issues in my life that I refuse to let drown me. I recognize my faults and know that I need to seriously work on them. To dream is a catch 22. You are always fighting for your piece of the cake. You are in control of that dream… Not to say that your dream isn’t in God’s hands but what you do to obtain that dream is the result of your actions. You can be lazy and do nothing and it will slip away as quickly as the New Year comes to an end. (It’s already APRIL!) Or you can be courageous and take action and end up achieving more than you ever imagined.
As I approach this new transition of my life, I realize that in many ways, it has just begun… I pray, hope and plead that I can stand up and do my part. In order to make the necessary changes in your life, you sometimes have to take a serious hard look in the mirror; A look that we sometimes never want to face. You have to embrace it… except it, and learn from it. And I hope that I can learn before I fall back into that 10ft grave.
Some people have been through hell and back just to claim their piece of the cake. Look at Tyler Perry for example. He was living in his car, trying time after time to make his dream come true. And finally, it worked. I admire a person’s will to achieve a dream that has so much effervescence.
I can admit… I’m getting scared. Not so much scared of failure… but scared that I will lose this spark in me that is just now starting to glow. I had done an art series about my heart and its existence a few months ago. I questioned it’s cracks, it’s pain, and whether or not I even had one. And if I had one, why couldn’t I feel it, and how do I get God’s love to heal it.
I’m still working on my heart, but now that I see it glowing, I want to try my damndest to not let my light go out.
(I stood in the bathroom stall at work, taking in all of this, praying. Please God, help me be wise about the decisions I make. I’ve come so far, and only because of you. Please continue to guide me, love me, and nurture me. I’m afraid your going to do something crazy… like you’ve got some huge empirical growth experiment. I know you know what’s best for me. And I truly love you and thank you for everything. Inhale exhale… lets do this… I know not to dwell on this worry, anxiety, doubt, and fear, but believe in your strength in me.) THANK YOU GOD