Category: inspiration

Prenatal Depression & Creating During Pregnancy

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While your body is busy creating a child and your hormones are driving you extremely insane it can be difficult to show up to your creative practice. The harsh reality and looming responsibility of having to create a future for you and your child can be paralyzing. Especially if you are self-employed or already working in the creative arts field.

The energy it takes to pursue my own work came to a complete dead end and I was fortunate enough that I wasn’t in the middle of a huge design project at work as I had no motivation to create anything. Projects that I excitedly began in the New Year fizzled out quicker than I could breathe life into them.

This was the only thing I had finished despite the fact that I had intentions in turning each image into a lino block.

Between the emotional spells I was also trying to navigate my trauma. Which who knew, things they don’t tell you about pregnancy, is that your past trauma can leave you knee deep in shit you thought: you forgot about, made peace with or just assumed you were over with. But that mess crept back in like a leak in a roof. Spreading mold and despair and sending me into a decent bout of prenatal depression.

Post Partum Depression is talked about a lot but Prenatal Depression seems to get you the stank eye as if you’re not grateful for the miracle taking place within you while others struggle to even get pregnant or have suffered a loss. Here I was navigating: all my past trauma, a relationship with the father (it’s complicated but we love each other), becoming a mother, letting go of my very independent single life, and honestly the relationship with my creativity.

While everyone was telling me how excited they were and are for me I was internally dreading all of it and questioning what the hell I was doing. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted this, I’m 36 and not getting any younger and the timing seemed more than perfect though my circumstances weren’t. But as all these feelings came bubbling to the surface I found my self questioning everything and relying on therapy to help me come to terms and validate what I had been through and feeling.

A few things that helped:

  1. Therapy! I can’t stress enough the importance of therapy. Luckily I had already had someone but please find someone you can speak too. It can be a lot of help to you to just have your feelings, concerns, & worries be acknowledged and validated. It takes the edge off as you come to grips with whatever you’re dealing with. And you can tell them things you may not tell your loved ones for fear of rejection or being further misunderstood.
  2. A trip: Now this may seem crazy and ridiculous especially if you’re already struggling and trying to save but I turned 36 while pregnant and I was going to cancel my birthday plans to take an overnight beach trip. In all honesty that tripped saved my life. Even if you can’t afford an overnight trip, a day trip to the beach or anywhere where nature can comfort your soul can be so nourishing.
    • At the time of this trip I was on the edge. I won’t explain why or what got me there but taking a solo trip to play in the ocean, journal, visit an art gallery and commune with the sun was exactly what I needed. I felt like myself again.
  3. Now things weren’t perfect when I got back as I still had a lot of work to do emotionally and spiritually but I had a therapist tell me to ground myself when things get hard or emotionally unstable.

Ground yourself through creativity.

Ground myself? I literally rolled my eyes. Like how the hell do I do that. What is this therapy garbage you are spitting at me and if it’s more foo foo self love bs I’m going to have another tantrum before we even hang up from this session.

Well duh, with creativity baby! 🙄 It seems so logical and self explanatory but my Dr. had a point. I mean creativity had always been a source of comfort for me throughout my life; I even say it’s saved my life. And here it was to do it all over again by grounding me.

And it had already been working. Though I wasn’t creating what I consider my main body of work, I found myself creating stuff for my baby. I made his name sign to hang over his crib, crocheted a blanket and several toys, made a sweater, and still working on completing my first quilt.

The sewing machine I had left sitting to collect dust ended up being a beacon of light as well as a new love for crocheting. I never expected crocheting to be my new hobby this year but the simplicity of repeating a stitch was comforting. I could mindlessly, to an extent, crochet and watch TV and processe emotions while I fervently single crocheted.

My artistic plans for the year definitely didn’t come to fruition but something else was born and will be born this month! Insert smiles. A whole new world of creativity opened its doors to me and I was able to explore a new hobby and even become inspired by crazy talented fiber artist.

I think as artist we’ve been told too often that we should stick to one trade, one form of art while the job industry expects the exact opposite (let’s not go there). But it was diving deep into crocheting which I had no monetary or career goal associated with it that got me out of my creative rut and gave me a new appreciation for it.

So pick up a camera, print your pictures, water color, collage, journal, paint your nails with copious amounts of glitter, do something new, crochet, knit, follow a recipe, doodle, buy the expensive markers and tons of glue sticks… just create and soon you’ll remember why you fell in love with it. Let it ground you as you navigate the new role of becoming a mother. Don’t give yourself crazy deadlines and project goals, create because you enjoy it and it’s comforting to your soul.

With much love, BEautifullyODD

My Imperfect 2020 Bullet Journal

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So the one thing I’m sure we can all agree on is how hellacious this year has been. From political debates with friends and family, to Covid f’n everything up; Any goals I may have set for 2020 were definitely abruptly halted as our lives in the quarantine commenced.

Though I have been fortunate to work from home, achievements started to warp into basic task like brushing my teeth and going for walks.

I had originally started Bullet Journaling back in 2018 as a way to organize my projects and keep track of my habits, goals and progress. And let’s be honest when I first started journaling it was not pretty and honestly it still looks quite disorganized and kind of chaotic. But once I found a monthly layout that worked for me, I started to experiment with color and adding images from magazines or from pictures I had taken or created. So when 2020 started I was adamant I would be sure to start this year’s journaling with flare, color and an extra dose of creative freedom.

And nothing is ever perfect! THAT’S Lesson #1. Of course I wanted my habit tracker to be perfectly filled and I wanted it to look all neat and clean. I mean we’ve seen the perfect bullet journals and I think that’s why I was afraid to experiment in the beginning. And it’s why Lesson #2 is to make sure you have a layout that works for you and you alone. I only wanted to share my monthly layout as the musings of my inner mind are among my other pages; but your layout should be tailored to how you want to break down your month, weeks or days.

For example I prefer a simple monthly layout where I take notes of important dates and summarize my monthly goal/s. I then break down my month by weeks where I re-list important dates and define weekly goals or projects I should be working on. My daily section however has a freer flowing layout. Some days aren’t as hectic as others and it’s where I apply the original method of Bullet Journaling by creating simple to-do lists and track my progress.

Turning 35 in the middle of Covid added an extra dose of symbolic challenges that left me in a constant state of self reflection and in need of self love. Though this year has been rough and I may not have achieved all of my original goals, I’ve had many amazing moments to be grateful for. And with an exciting adventure / new beginning awaiting me next year I only hope to continue to devote my time to my inner peace and artistic passions.

In all, I hope you are inspired to continue to follow your goals and inner musings no matter how imperfect they may look.

BEautifullyODD by Olisa Rachele

My Attempt at Linocut Printing… & a Life Lesson

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THIS WAS FUN!

So a few years ago I purchased a mounted linocut and the speedball cutters but quickly realized that my original idea wasn’t going to work. But when I drew the above design, it reminded me of the kind of designs I want to eventually print to fabric for purse designs and such.

I finally had a day off last Sunday and decided to drag my self out to Michael’s, JoAnn’s, the Art Store (Blick) and Barnes and Noble for a little sun (I worked all weekend and needed to get out even though I had no intentions in purchasing anything,) and inspiration.

While walking around the art store I remembered I wanted to try to transfer my drawing to a lino. So I chose an unmounted piece of lino simply because it was #CheapCheapGangGang and quickly realized that it is extremely difficult to cut. I would love to try the soft stuff but until the price comes down, I’m good.

TIP: While watching tons of youtube videos someone said you can take a blow dryer to unmounted lino and it will soften (I will have to try that next time).

And I probably shouldn’t have chosen a super complicated image as my first lino cut but like usual I tend to just jump into the deep end. WHICH REMINDS ME: While on my Sunday adventure I came across a book called, Make it Mighty Ugly, which I will be doing a review on once it arrives. But I love the idea, as my teacher use to say it takes a 100 bad drawings before you get one good one. So I kept faith that even if it turned out like garbage that the experience would be worth it.

WHICH… MIND BLOWN…

As this concepts correlates with my purse making. Which I invested in a book about that too… (One more thing, am I the only one that goes to the book store to just look them up on your phone and order them used online. I may be aiding to the end of bookstores but in my world, they would be open regardless of profit, like libraries.) But back to my mind being blown… I was supposed to update you guys on starting again with my sewing, and I had begun again, but another mistake was made and it threw everything off and there I was again, staring my disappointment and doubt in the mirror again. Like a punch in the chest; I felt defeated.

I need to extend this concept to my sewing. I’m wanting so bad for it to all be perfect and pretty and be evident that I’m getting closer to eventually opening a store. But if I don’t allow my self to make mistakes I’ll never grow. It will just sit in the middle of the floor. I JUST NEED TO MAKE THAT SHIT UGLY! Get over it. I also think it would be wise to invest in some muslin so that I can freely work out my designs without wasting more expensive fabric. I need to just practice, practice, practice with out pressuring my self that everything needs to be perfect. EXHALE…

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So yea… I chipped away, sliced and diced for three days (after work), and had a lot of fun. It reminds me of working with clay, just very hard clay. My only advice is to be patient and move the tool away from your body as I initiated my self with a slice to the finger. I will say this… Even though it is extremely time-consuming, it is so intimate, like when molding clay, and though I haven’t had the opportunity to try screen printing, I think there is nothing like lino cutting and just might be my choice of method as I move forward.

So yea, I’m feeling good again… excited, happy. I’ll never learn if I’m not willing to make mistakes and be open to the learning experience.

So WOOSAAA, Don’t take yourelf to seriously, have some fun, who gives a f, and just be yourself.

Go Confidiently & BEautifulyODD

xoxoxoxo

Olisa Rachele

A Project List for your Bullet Journal

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I find making this project list helpful on a monthly basis or when ever I start to feel lost, confused or am suffering from a momentarily lapse of amnesia. It can be helpful to refer to it and remind myself of the many things I am working on and what small steps I need to take to achieve my goal. It can be updated any time by simply creating a new list and be implemented into your weekly layout in your bullet journal.

Depending on how much space you’ll need and how many task you need to do for one particular project, you can choose to create a page for each individual project. Now is also the time to list on a scratch piece of paper how many projects you may actually have and want to work on. Don’t choose too many. You may have ten projects like my self that you want to work on but perhaps your focus needs to only be on 3 to 5 things. Or you only have time for one special project; Perhaps some are easier than others or take priority. I find that most of us know what are goals are but struggle to break them down in simple steps to help us achieve them.027

So for an example lets use blogging as my first project:

BLOG

A.) In your 1st column list all the task that you WANT OR NEED TO DO for your blog:

  1. Blog content exercise
  2. Finish all 4 blogs for the Month of January
  3. 4 Images
  4. Read Blog Inc.

B.) In the 2nd column list WHEN you need to achieve these things. I find it easier to break down my task by whether they need to be done daily, weekly or by providing an actual deadline date. (you can choose to leave an explanation):

  1. by 1/31
  2. weekly
  3. weekly
  4. daily

C. HOW, In the 3rd column list how you will achieve this.

  1. List 10 possible blog ideas by end of month.
  2. Finish one post a week.
  3. Create one image a week.
  4. Read 15 minutes a day

For some of my other projects maybe I just need to spend an hour a week working on it. I’ve attached pictures that show how I break down my list and then transfer it to my weekly project layout in my bullet journal.029

Remember that you can draw this or type this up; however you choose, the idea is to break down your goals and define how you can achieve them by taking simple, easy steps without stressing about the overall goal.
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I really hope this makes sense… Let me know if you find this helpful or have any questions.

BEautifullyODD

 

 

Frozen in the Face of Fear

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So it has been like forever since I sewed something; I think it was around March. OMG. To my defense I had A LOT going on. Things were just spiraling out of control and by the time I resurfaced, the end of the year was on the horizon. I remember the last time quite vividly; I had made a mistake… again. And I had just about had it.

Here I am spending all this money on fabric and batting and I’m over here making silly mistakes, wasting exceptional fabric. It hadn’t mattered how successful I had been. Or that it felt so second nature that I was convinced my ancestors were seamstress or I was at least one in a previous life time.

I left everything in the middle of the floor with intentions in returning but idk… day after day passed. Then there was a death in the family which resulted in a family member crashing on the couch and the mess I had left in the middle of my living room floor needed to be picked up.

I packed it away; Knowing I needed to jump back up on the horse like Tom Cruise hopping back into his fighter jet but feeling and still feeling, frightened. Is it fear? it can only be fear. Fear of wasting money, fear that my ambitions are out of control, fear that I’ll never meet my goal, fear that I’m just a fraud.

So 10 months later, I sat here this past weekend determined to start again. Which duh, doesn’t result in just jumping on to the sewing machine. It takes about 27 steps before that, before you can even sit down, you have to put all the puzzle pieces together.

I had already had the idea of replicating a Kenneth Cole Tote bag I purchased a while ago. I started drawing and checking the measurements, choosing fabric and drawing out a pattern, all while drinking some liquid courage. But the next morning, everything just sat there. I couldn’t move. I was frozen in fear. I watched the tv as intently as possible while I ignored everything in the middle of the floor; only getting up for food and trips to the restroom.

“Before deciding to take flight or fight, most mammals freeze for a few milliseconds to assess the situation before making a next move.” (psychologytoday)

Eager to understand why I felt so paralyzed I came across the above quote and was astonished by the simplistic understanding as to why we freeze when we are afraid. Granted I sat there for more than a few milliseconds and perhaps I could have just walked over there and started anywhere, as long as I started. But perhaps freezing isn’t so bad. It’s ok to assess the situation before moving on. And it was exactly what I needed to do; I needed to develop my sketches and patterns before I rushed off to my machine.

Sewing is this extremely complex task where each step is integral and paramount to the overall finished product.

Anyway… I haven’t given up, you’re suppose to do the things you fear most. Plus, I learned that if I’m frozen in fear, it’s probably because I feel the need to assess the situation before moving on.

“The art of the game is embracing the fear tucking the doubt under your arm running and willing your way to personal freedom.” -Natasha Munson

Fuck fear, Let your ambitions run rampant,

BEautifullyODD

 

 

Creating an Interactive Vision Board

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Hey Guys!

So for the past couple of months I’ve been sorta going through a “transition”. I guess that’s what you call a job change, tending to family matters, feeling stuck artistically, and watching television and hiding peacefully under the covers.

But it’s my 32nd birthday this weekend and I am so glad that I took the time to create, what I’m calling, an Interactive Vision Board.

Creating vision boards have been all the craze this past year but I already had two big ones hanging in my bedroom, above my work space; So I hadn’t really felt the need to create another one. But because I decided to have a low-key birthday weekend, I figured wth let’s give it a go.

All I knew, was that I wanted to change-up the vibe. I’ve created plenty of vision boards with images of what I want my future to look like but I wanted to make this one theme specific. I decided to center it around my “Art Business“.

20170528_185800

Now mind you, I was feeling pretty silly walking around michales trying to find stuff that inspired me. It had been a long time since I went out and searched for papers and cute scrapbook accessories (love them). I already had cork board in possession and was trying to refurbish, but if your “cheap / frugal” like me, spending hella money on a project that may not come out, that I didn’t even have a concept for, was sorta starting to bum me out.

Especially when I of course picked out the most expensive two dollar decorative paper they had. I had over 4 feet of surface to cover and it was starting to add up. But once I committed to the paper and started walking around, I found stickers with awesomly designed motivational quotes and figured if I got a few sheets of black paper, a white pen and an old school shake it up gold paint pen; I could make do with what I already had.

So I came home, started going through piles of stuff I had already collected over the years and before I knew it, it was starting to come together. It’s funny how certain craft items, stickers or scrapbook pieces will linger around for years. You pick them up, considering them for your projects and cherish them but put them back; knowing it isn’t quite right. So many things I had been saving, seemed ready to jump on to the board, waiting for this exact moment.

20170528_205231

I have Gemini brain which means I have like 10 projects going on at once. (It is utter chaos but I adore it.) So I made a list of projects and created four action columns. One for ideas, goals, to do (action steps), and achieved. I didn’t just want this vision board to motivate me but help me organize my thoughts, plans and keep me accountable.

I created a little box for my posted notes to hang in, added fabric swatches for my purses, a space to add sketches and tons of motivational stickers. I adore it. It really was a lot of fun and I am so glad I spent part of my birthday weekend creating it. I enjoyed taking the time to assess my goals and breathe new life into them.

Onward,

BEautifullyODD

 

When Everything Seems Fucked Up

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I can’t believe I haven’t posted since February 3rd. And it’s now a week from May.

Things were going well for a while… I had been reading books about blogging, sewing on my machine and working on some graphic design pieces. Granted, I was  intimidated by my goals for the blog, and still am.  But then random deaths, and visitors, work crap, and interviews, and doubts and fears started to take over and everything just stopped.

Regardless of my reasons for stopping… I did. I even think I remember the exact moment. I was in the middle of sewing a purse when another failed attempt struck me kind of hard. Plus I was slightly intimidated by what a psychic had told me. (I’ll get back to that.) But I remember wanting to finish it, knowing I needed to jump back on the horse and just keep pushing despite the fail.

But instead of pushing on I let it sit there on the floor and found my self having to clean it all up and put it away till a more suitable time. Of course I’ve had plenty of opportunities since then but instead, I’ve talked myself out of every opportunity… Thinking that I wasn’t ready to give it the time it needed.

And even now the time doesn’t feel right. I’ve been poking at my sketch book here and there, tucking quotes away, going through bins of paper, trying to find some sort of motivation. But truth be told, it ain’t there.

And my life still feels like a tornado whipped through it. Even now, when my heart aches I admit I don’t want to, even though I know I should, even though I know I need to. Art has always been a healing thing for me and I’ve just been hiding from it… intimidated… not wanting my artistic attempts to hurt me either.

When I started this blog, my intentions were to be honest. Even when I can’t move, when I don’t know how to push forward and believe in myself: My intentions are to be able to freely express that and push past all of it, in hopes of inspiring us all to find the strength to push pass these types of debilitating moments.

I’m always so intimidated in pursuing this whole blogging thing, setting goals and then feeling like I can’t keep them. It’s not that I want to set the bar low or anything but I’m trying to find my own unique way to make this work for me. And the only way I know how to do that is by being my self. By being completely honest and raw with you. Because honestly this is the only place I do feel comfortable being my self.

So right now, when everything in my life “seems” pretty fucked up, I’m choosing to begin again.

I sorta have to at this point. At 32 years old I don’t have kids or a husband to tend to. I don’t even have a great body of work to stand behind, I just have my hopes and dreams and everything I’ve learned throughout the years. Out of all the times I could have given up, in high school, in my early twenties chasing after worthless boys, or when i nearly dropped out of college. I pushed through it all and chose to never give up. And that’s why now, when everything seems pretty shity and my heart is beating through my chest, and my anxiety takes my breath away, I choose to begin again. No one can take that away from you no matter how hard they try.

With much love,

BEautifullyODD

 

Hope Before the New Year: 7 Ways to Start the NY’s off Right!

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I have seen this quote floating around recently, “If you haven’t started working on 2017 by now you’re already behind.”

I don’t know how everyone else is feeling, but man I feel it.

Up until a few months ago; I was feeling a bit stuck. To be honest I’m still trying to fully dislodge my self from the iky-ness I have experienced. Not only this year but the previous too. It seems like these past two years have weighed heavily on my heart. Despite my challenges, I have been able to grow in a sense; Mainly in part because I launched the blog.

And for all of it I am grateful because in spite of it, I keep trudging along. There is still so much I want to do with the blog and I am so excited about its potenital and the arrival of my sewing machine. It has re-sparked my flame. Trudging isn’t always feeling so depressive now; I’m actually starting to skip again. I still have my bad days. But boy it’s BeautifullyODD when I have my moments of peace and creativity.

All I want is more of those sweet moments in 2017.

I do feel like there is a shift happening in the world and that if you haven’t already jumped now is the time to do so. (Check out Steve Harvey’s Book: Jump)

Ways To Start The New Year Off Right!

  1. Clean! Remove anything of no use. Get Rid of it. No clutter. Amazing, clean, organized workspace. A clean environment leaves room for inspiration.
  2. REFLECT: I encourage anyone and everyone to sit down and seriously reflect over the past year. What did you accomplish, what did you struggle with. Take the time to be honest and ask your self some questions to help better guide you in the new year. Google: year-end reflection journal prompts to help get you started.
  3. Go WithIn: With all the reflection I feel the need to sorta meditate and even do some yoga this weekend to just focus on what I want to manifest for the new year. To open myself to the peace and harmony I want for the new year and making peace with the past!
  4. CELEBRATE! I love to crack open a bottle of champagne! I’m actually partying this year. But whatever you want to do… do it. Get a masage, burn some candles and sit in the tub. Go to dinner by yourself. Just find some way to celebrate the ringing in of a new year and all of its possibilities.
  5. Intentions: Goals are always important and after all the reflecting you did in#2, you should have a better idea, of some of the things you want to change, improve upon, try and or enjoy in the new year.
  6. Don’t Be Fooled. Yes, every day is a chance to start your life. Hence the reason people are like if you haven’t started then you are behind. But don’t let that discourage you, let it be the reason to proceed. With the power of the winter solstice upon us, we come full circle when the year ends and there is something magical in that moment. Something formidable. It may only last for a second. But it’s within that second you have communed with the universe. All your hopes and dreams are wrapped up in that very moment. Which leads to…
  7. Get to WORK! It’s up to you to make it happen. If you have to, take small steps by making a plan or schedule and then stick to it. Just do the work and before you know it… your garden will be in full bloom.

BEautifullyODD

Olisa Rachele

Finding Peace Through Nature

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People are hurting. I feel so much empathy for those experiencing such rude and awful discrimination. My heart breaks. The only hope I can give is to remind all of you that we have a right to achieve our “American” Dream. Do not waste it. Embrace it and be proud of your efforts. Do not run ashamed. Do not fear. You do not stand alone. And I will not stand idly by as bystander. And regardless of your country, continue to fight for your right to dream. I can’t imagine the hate people are experiencing but let that shit be your motivation to rise higher. I can’t let my anger and sadness get the best of me. So today as I was leaving the pharmacy at Kaiser I decided to purchase a bouquet of silver dollar eucalyptus. I say this to suggest a trip to the local park,  some time away from the news is what we need. We need to reconnect to hope, to nature. Tap into it.

To all races, men and woman, LGBT, and religions I stand by you.

Continue to BEautifullyODD

Olisa Rachele